ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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