elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
