DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
