I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
