i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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