it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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