I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
