Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
