Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
