Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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