my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
