the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
