I'm lost and stupid without you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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