one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
