But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
