you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
