I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
