you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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