P.S. I can't hear my feet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
