Don't make out with my wife yet
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
