Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What drink are we having for lunch?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
