My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
