and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
