guys are only as good as the porn they watch
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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