the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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