No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
