i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
