i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
