I am spending my child support on dildos
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
