It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
