Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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