Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
