Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
