New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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