Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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