I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
