Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
