i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Two words: blizzard sex
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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