listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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