I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
