I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
