Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
