Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
