That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
