This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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