i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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