So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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