You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
