You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You can't just leave with hair like that
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
