Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
