I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
